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No wonder so many people are single. A few years ago, I spoke to a group of high-schoolers about the Jewish idea of love.
I'll define it, and you raise your hands if you agree. Love is that feeling you get when you meet the right person. And I thought, Oy. This is how many people approach a relationship. Consciously or unconsciously, they believe love is a sensation based on physical and emotional attraction that magically, spontaneously generates when Mr.
And just as easily, it can spontaneously degenerate when the magic "just isn't there" anymore. You fall in love, and you can fall out of it. The key word is passivity. Erich Fromm, in his famous treatise "The Art of Loving," noted the sad consequence of this misconception: Love is the attachment that results from deeply appreciating another's goodness.
Love is the result of appreciating another's goodness. The word "goodness" may surprise you. After all, most love stories don't feature a couple enraptured with each other's ethics. But in her study of real-life successful marriages The Good Marriage: How and Why Love LastsJudith Wallerstein reports that "the value these couples placed on the partner's moral qualities was an unexpected finding.
What we value most in ourselves, we value most in others. God created us to see ourselves as good hence our need to either rationalize or regret our wrongdoings.
So, too, we seek goodness in others. Nice looks, an engaging personality, intelligence, and talent all of which count for something may attract you, but goodness is what moves you to love.
You can create it. Just focus on the good in another person and everyone has some.
If you can do this easily, you'll love easily. I was once at an intimate concert in which the performer, a deeply spiritual person, gazed warmly at his audience and said, "I want you to know, I love you all.
This man naturally saw the good in others, and our being there said enough about us that he could love us. Judaism actually idealizes this universal, unconditional love. Obviously, there's a huge distance from here to the far more profound, personal love developed over the years, especially in marriage.
But seeing goodness is the beginning.
By focusing on the good, you can love almost anyone. Susan learned about this foundation of love after becoming engaged to David.Apr 14, · The essay writing industry is a source of interesting statistical data.
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